2 posts tagged “new beginnings”

There is something to be said about a parent who chooses to be honest with their child, instead of spoon feed them bullshit. As of late I've been checking myself, really checking myself. I mean I don't think I'm all that bad of a person, and sometimes I'm not all that great of one either. But recently I've had the urge to know how other people view me, especially since nine times out of ten I don't see in myself what they see in me. So, I've been casually talking to those who know me best and those who've known me for a little while and what not to get their honest opinion about some things. What I discovered is that about half the time I think there's something wrong with me, I'm wrong.

I spoke with one of my exes the other day and asked if she missed me, and if so what did she miss about me. It wasn't that I was trying to start something back up with her, but some time ago she'd posed the same question to me. Back then I still felt a kind of way about her and the whole of the situation and wasn't all that nice in my response. So, I was a bit surprised that she was willing to talk with me and supply an honest answer. She said that sometimes she did miss me, that she like that I was different and caring. What made me see her in a new light was when she told me at the time she didn't know what she had and wasn't ready for me, taking full responsibility for how things ended. Interestingly enough, having this conversation with her made me feel better about myself and also made me want to review other relationships I have and have had.

For some reason my mother doesn't like a particular friend of mind. I asked her a few months ago why and she gave me some bullshit answer, that I immediately tore down and voiced what I really thought was going on. Turns out I was only half right. I asked her last night again, what her issue with my friend was, and finally got the truth. Even though my mother and I are not at all close, in no way, shape, or form does she want me to be hurt. Other dating situations and romantic relationships I've had she thought were a flash in a pan. And long distance posed no real threat of someone "taking me away". However, with someone being in such close proximity and me spending a considerable amount of time with that person, my mother became jealous. Especially when it came to my car. Everyone knows, I don't let anyone drive my car. Absolutely NO one, with the exception of Smack who has the same kind of car. Well I not only let my friend drive my car, I gave her one of my spare keys. Understand that if I didn't trust her, none of this would have ever taken place. And I explained this to my mom. This is literally her issue not mine, to which she agrees. And has said that it'll take time for her to work it out. As whacked as my mom can be, whether silly or not I appreciate her honesty. The less bullshit busting I have to do the better.

No one goes through life wanting to get hurt or be taken advantage of by anyone. And people also don't want to feel as if they're constantly depending upon a crutch to stand on their own. But since the future is unforeseen, because it has yet to happen, absolutely anything is possible. Taking risks to liven up this adventure called life is what makes it interesting. I don't want to sitting on the couch one day going over the "what ifs" or brooding over regrets. Which is why I'm leaving myself open for whatever life has to offer and keeping my eyes peeled for the fakes. There's nothing worse then a bad investment no matter whether it's time or money. The only thing that's certain is that there's always something to learn from these experiences. And I hope I've gathered enough to stop making the same lame mistakes.

2009 IS FINALLY HERE!!!!

In a little over five months I will be entering the last year of my 20's. I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED!!!!! I feel like my life is just getting started. It's an AMAZING feeling! I guess one could equate that to graduating high school or college. I feel free as can be and looking towards the future with my mind, eyes, and heart wide open. 2009, is the year success will rain on my parade.....I can feel it!

Here's to getting rid of old habits, creating new ones, and worldly adventure.

I
WILL
BE
GOOD
TO
ME!