2 posts tagged “issues”

Dear World,

To be perfectly honest I thought this quarter life crisis would be over by now, but I was sadly mistaken. *sigh* My living situation isn't the greatest, it's finally been driven home that I'm really not that great of a friend, and the presence of certain blood relatives makes me physically ill. I'm sure I can lengthen the list of complaints that I have about my life right now, but it's really not worth it. They're minor, little petty irritations compared to the big picture. Now, I know that intellectually, however sometimes I just don't grasp it emotionally. And sometimes I don't care to take the "well it could be worse" perspective.

I know from the core of my soul that a resolution to my current living situation is on the sunrise of a soon to come day. It's just taking a hell of a lot longer than I would like, but I'm working on maintaining my patience. As for my friendships, clearly I need to work a little harder on them. Some definitely come a lot easier than others, but still they all need to be worked. I find that I'm a lot better at friendships than any other type of relationships. It was made clear to me, why things didn't work out with someone I met over the summer. It's not necessarily about tactless moments, as much as it's about instances of mistrust. I apparently over stepped the friendship ethics line and still can't understand how, I'm guessing the social lubricant of alcohol may have contribute to that. However, I take full responsibility for whatever it was I said, that caused that assumption. I wouldn't purposefully say anything to or about someone I care for to hurt their feelings. Clearly though, there are some things one just can't come back from. Which is why I've been evaluating the relationships I have with others. Some can't be repaired and I don't care for them to, while others are getting weak. I need to hunt down addresses and put my large stock of stationary to good use.

It's not as if I haven't had anything going on. I've just not made the time to gab about it.So, here's a bit of an update on some of the things going on in my universe. First let's start with the not so great stuff, you know so we can end on a good note. *wink*

It appears that one of my oldest friends and I are no longer going to be friends. It really sucks because we've known each other since the 8th grade, I've never known anyone that long. With all that we'd gone through and shared with one another I honestly thought we were better friends than we obviously are. Long story short, the shit hit the fan when not only was I snubbed at a dance class we take together, but she attempted to dictated who I could talk to and when. I don't care who you are, if we're not fuckin' and/or you're not payin' my bills I don't have to answer to you about a damn thing. I swear it was like deja vu, because several years back I experienced the same thing with another friend of mine. *sigh* Tricks are for kids, and I'm too damn old for this bullshit. Whether it's a personal relationship or a professional one, I don't ask for more than I'm willing to give and at this point I'm sick of giving. I do things for people because I want to, not because I have some sick point system. I don't keep track of stuff like that. But one does start to notice when things start to feel one sided. And I don't do one sided relationships on any level. So, if we're never friends after this all I can say is this....."People are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime".

The other not so great thing that's happened is that I recently went to the ER and discovered I have a bad case of toncelitis. Being sick though wasn't the worst of my experience. For some silly reason that was not disclosed to me, my mother was not allowed to go back with me. That's never happened before, and despite the fact I requested her numerous times, she was never sent for. If I wasn't so out of it I would have raised at least 7 levels of hell. How the hell do they know she's not my proxi? Or that I'm supposed to have someone with me at all times because I might not be capable of understanding what the medical geniouses are saying? Assholes! Also, I was freezing and asked for a blanket. After a few requests I got my weak ass up and walked it into the hall and asked loudly. Funny how quickly the damn blanket came then. I fuckin' hate being sick and feel the same about hospitals for the same reasons. Then to top it all off some woman, who fails to identify herself, comes into my room and begins shooting quesions at me. I really didn't have it all together and stopped to ask her why she was asking all these damn questions. Do you know, this bitch (and yes I mean it, 'cause how effen dare you!) was in the process of submitting an application for medicaid for me, without my permission or knowledge that, that was even an option since I don' t have insurance! And mind you my mother is not present. I should have gone with my first mind and dragged her back there with me. UGH!!! Anyway, I definitely had serious attitude because not only is that a privacy violation, but it's unprofessional and fuckin' RUDE! I knew I didn't qualify anyway, but whatever. The same female had me sign some documents and I requested a copy of those documents (which is within my rights) and she said she had to ask permission to give me thoses copies. I'm thinking I'm itching for a case, because I should NOT have to ask permission for copies of something I signed. Upon request they have to make copies and I should be able to leave the damn facility with those document copies in hand that same day. Instead I was given some number to call. Not haveing insurance really sucks because county hospitals feel they can treat you any kind of way and keep you stupid. The last person that I saw was the lady in charge of getting feed back on the patient experience. Needless to say I gave her an ear full. I highly doubt that anything will be done, because I'm young, black, female, and poor. But I at least felt better expressing my irritations. I'm definitely working on getting my body in a healthier state, because this is not where it's at.

Now on to the good stuff. I recently met someone whose an artist like myself, influenced mostly in music. She's really cool and we seem to have a lot in common and think a lot a like. We talked about colaborating on a few things in the near future. We'll see what happens. She comes across very genuine which is so refreshing because I have no time or space in my life for foolery.

And guess who has not one, but 2 jobs now! Yes, that would be yours truly! Aside from being a coffee guru in training, I'll soon be a sales associate at a clothing store I frequent! With all the not so great things happening along with the absolutely amazing things happening and coming into my life over the last 7 to 8 months, I'm really in a good place and I'm not just happy. I'm actually capturing joy.