2 posts tagged “dear world”
Dear World,
To be perfectly honest I thought this quarter life crisis would be over by now, but I was sadly mistaken. *sigh* My living situation isn't the greatest, it's finally been driven home that I'm really not that great of a friend, and the presence of certain blood relatives makes me physically ill. I'm sure I can lengthen the list of complaints that I have about my life right now, but it's really not worth it. They're minor, little petty irritations compared to the big picture. Now, I know that intellectually, however sometimes I just don't grasp it emotionally. And sometimes I don't care to take the "well it could be worse" perspective.
I know from the core of my soul that a resolution to my current living situation is on the sunrise of a soon to come day. It's just taking a hell of a lot longer than I would like, but I'm working on maintaining my patience. As for my friendships, clearly I need to work a little harder on them. Some definitely come a lot easier than others, but still they all need to be worked. I find that I'm a lot better at friendships than any other type of relationships. It was made clear to me, why things didn't work out with someone I met over the summer. It's not necessarily about tactless moments, as much as it's about instances of mistrust. I apparently over stepped the friendship ethics line and still can't understand how, I'm guessing the social lubricant of alcohol may have contribute to that. However, I take full responsibility for whatever it was I said, that caused that assumption. I wouldn't purposefully say anything to or about someone I care for to hurt their feelings. Clearly though, there are some things one just can't come back from. Which is why I've been evaluating the relationships I have with others. Some can't be repaired and I don't care for them to, while others are getting weak. I need to hunt down addresses and put my large stock of stationary to good use.
Dear World,
Let's see the last time I posted anything I wasn't in the best of spirits. Since the beginning of April I've been busy packing to move out of my beloved (if not imperfect) apartment back home (yet again), to live with my uncle and mother. It took 2 weeks to do that and 2 more to semi settled. Moving from an apartment into a room is no easy task. I've come to the point where I'm going back into the boxes I brought to the house and am repacking them to put them in storage. This is a little depressing, especially since I'm having to pack up all of my books. I recently joined a book club. It would be pointless to buy books when there literally is no place to put them. *sigh* Truth be told I don't think I'll ever really be able to unpack and settle down until I can afford my own house. By then I'll finally be able to pull all my books out of their boxes and display them on bookshelves. I'll also be free to decorate and paint like I want.
On a brighter note, I am progressing at playing the guitar. I was given an assignment the other week to write a song. I've never done that before so I really a taking a stab in the dark. I was thinking about adding lyrics, but I'm not there yet. It's relaxing, despite the soreness in my hands when I forget myself and play hours on end. I'm really into this song writing thing. I was tinkering with Miranda (my guitar) and came up with a few bars. I had to skip ahead in the book to figure out what notes I was playing, but it's all coming together.
I bought a really good pair of tap shoes the other day too. I originally was debating whether or not to get them, because dance shoes can be so expensive. I have 2 other pairs of taps which cost me something like $30 a pair, but I've lost the same tap, on the same shoe of both pairs. I really don't want to keep replacing my tap shoes every other month. So, I figured the investment on one really good pair of taps would save me money in the long run. I'm gonna try and brake them in tomorrow. =o) Also, I was introduced to an opportunity that may just give me the working flexibility I need to audition for plays and what not. Also, it'll help me network. I'm kinda nervous but excited. I feel in the depths of my soul I'm doing the right thing. I really do!
Thus far the only thing that's been holding me back is being sick. Last week I was experiencing flu like symptoms. I went to the ER and after 3 painful attempts at setting up an IV, by 2 staff members, a wonderful nurse got it on the 4th try and I was given fluids to rehydrate me. Despite my glands being swollen and a bit of redness in my tonsils I was told to come back in 7-10 days if the symptoms persist. I wasn't too thrilled about that, but I learned something interesting. Did you know that an elevated heart rate can indicate the possibility of dehydration? I didn't. The funny thing about this is, I don't like needles. It seemed that my vitals were being taken pretty much after every time I had an encounter with one. Yes, yes y'all, I'm a big stinking baby! I get all worked up over a finger prick. And no, the fact that I had to go in for blood work once a month for almost a year hasn't changed my view or my response. =o)
About a week ago, I went to a Women's meeting. I was not in a good way at all. My mother and I had gotten into it yet again and I was so angry and frustrated I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt better after that meeting and decided to focus on what I do have, verses what I don't. So far, so good. I even happened into a little extra money which allowed me to partake in a sale that FashionBug was having (a buy one get one %50 off), and buy some much needed jeans for 4 pairs of jeans, a cute tee, and a pair of comfortable cute shoes, I spent less than $100. No can tell me I'm not blessed, NO ONE!
Well, I'm beginning to get over this .... whatever it is, working on my writing, and preparing mono logs. I want to be prepared the next time auditions are posted.
Until next time, keep looking on the bright side of life.
*Ladie Fire*
